Cool People Don't Own Supercars

Let me start by saying I may have written that title to be purposely misleading. If given the opportunity to own a supercar, you're damn right I would own one; I'm also about as cool as a human being can get. My issue is more that the people that own supercars are not in fact cool people.

Notice how nobody cares but that one guy in blue... he must be a real jerk

Oh, but Geoff Helmsley Vanderstroff, III down the street owns one, and he seems pretty cool.

Well, he's not, and here's why:

They aren't car people

This one may surprise people, but by and large the individuals who purchase and own supercars aren't real gearheads. These cars stand as symbols of real status, fetching prices more than most houses, and exhibit screaming levels of flash and presence. Most of the people that buy these cars buy them for that reason. Geoff could care less about the atmospheric redline of the hand-built V12 sitting under the polycarbonate window, he just knows he can afford it and you can't. He doesn't run his hands over the meticulous stitching in the butter soft leather wrapping the carbon fiber shell of his seats; he wants to know if a custom duffel can be made to match. For these folks, the car is a token of their position and wealth, and that is a slap in the face of the engineers and designers who created them to represent the pinnacle of driving performance, which brings me to my next point

They can't drive

Take a Ferrari F12 Berlinetta (please... take one, and let me drive it just once).

Oh mio dolce bambina!

This stunner, and oh what a stunner it is, also happens to be an insane performer. Ferrari's F12 can lap the Fiorano test track one second faster than their 599GTO (a ridiculously fast car), two seconds faster than their Enzo and 458 (extremely fast cars), and a full three seconds faster than their 430 Scuderia (a special edition named after their Formula One team... getting the idea?). It uses 12 different aluminum alloys to keep weight at around 3,400lbs, while its 6.2L V12 creates 730hp for a 0-60 time of 3.1 seconds, and a 0-120 time of 8.5 seconds. In summary, before my heart beats any harder, this is a stupidly capable car designed to annihilate about anything else you can ever drive while doing so with the utmost poise and presence, in a gorgeous package. I want one, you want one, let's buy one... for a base price of $320,000. Not to mention, you can't even touch one if you haven't already owned a few Ferraris in the past. You don't call them, they call you. Rather, they call Geoff, and here we are again.

You don't know how to open the door, do you Geoff

Geoff goes and buys his F12, probably with a slick Zero Haliburton briefcase full of cash, rolls it off the lot, and you'd bet goes tearing down some winding road, pushing the cars limits, right? Wrong, Geoff takes his new F12 to Starbucks, and he orders something sugary with whipped cream, and then he idles down main street hoping people notice him. Catch up to Geoff on the highway, and you'll find him cruising along at a comfortable 55MPH, not caring to return the smiles and thumbs up you give him. Once Geoff gets home, he'll park that F12 in a nice climate cooled garage, and that's likely where it will stay the majority of its life. That V12 will never sing its angelic song near redline, the tires will never scream through a challenging chicane, and those same brake pads will last until the next owner. Now the folks that would dream of putting that car through each one of those tests, taking it to tracks and mountain roads, exploring the razor edge of its limits, don't get to drive that car. We can, we would, we want to, but we don't get to, because they're owned by Geoff. He, on the other hand, has no desire to drive in such brutish ways, as common ruffians do, with all the noise and danger. That said, I doubt the engineers at Ferrari spent years perfecting the performance of such a machine for it to be gently cruised to the country club in. Not cool, Geoff.

They're Jerks

That's right, super car owners are jerks. As with most societies, there's a tacit understanding in the car world that you enjoy what you drive, but also appreciate what everyone else drives. You try not to judge, and get more joy in the variety of cars people love, and why they love them, not simply whose is best or fastest. It's a subjective world, and true car nuts understand this and approach it with an open mind. Someone in a "lesser" car compliments yours, you compliment them right back, you both drive home happy and proud. Not these guys! Seldom will you find a stiffer response, a more condescending attitude, or more unnecessary boasting than from the guys at car meets with true supercars. It's clear that you know what you own (you did bring it to show off) and that others recognize that. Heck, a crowd forms because everyone is that excited to see your vehicle. Be humble! Enjoy the fact you get to own such a machine as much as others enjoy admiring it. Nothing confuses me more than conversing with someone that drove a neon orange Lamborghini to a car meet to show it to people, and then seems dismissive and bothered in being asked about it. It's akin to opening a lemonade stand, then telling people to piss off when they ask for a glass.

Why yes, it was very expensive

In life there are always exceptions, and nothing makes me happier than finding the rare few who own, drive and share these amazing machines. I myself intend to be one of these exceptions some day, and even sat a few kids in my lowly Corvette to let them rev it and turn the wheel. Drive what you love, love what you drive, and don't look at Geoff's car.

See you on the road,

Alexander