Nissan's GT-R Ruined the Art of Driving

Here's one that a lot of people aren't going to like. I do mean a lot of people, because these stupid cars have such a ridiculously loyal fanbase you can so much as sneeze in the direction of a GT-R without getting Nurburgring lap times shoved in your face.

"Help! I'm drowning! You with the car, help me!"

"This car? 7:08.69 Pal!"

We know! We all know the GT-R puts up stupendous lap times, breaks track records, annihilates competitors at the local drag strip and so on. We also all know these cars have no soul. Instead of a soul, it has what Nissan calls VDC-R, or Vehicle Dynamics Control. This system is the brains behind this beast that, in conjunction with a very advanced all wheel drive setup, essentially ensures you can't do anything but make this car go fast. You simply can't make mistakes, you don't need to know how to do much more than press a pedal and turn a wheel and you're faster than everyone out there. Sounds great, right? Wrong! It's awful, and purists are rightfully perturbed about it. This car is essentially a video game, it's all computers and no skill, no feel, no nuance; point and go. This means your local over privileged 18 year old can drive one faster than the 45 year old with 15 years of track experience and the Mustang he built along the way. I don't like it, and you shouldn't either; it's simply not the way things are supposed to be!

Yeah, even he is faster than you in that thing

Well, apparently someone decided to make even more upgrades to this stupid car for 2017, and the good folks over at AutoBlog have written a review:

Read Full 017 GT-R Review Here

Right off the bat you see what I mean when they write:

"Haters bemoan the GT-R's clinical and uninvolving quality, but their high-minded critiques should be taken with a grain of salt. Nissan's flagship sports car has been both heavy-fisted and enthralling, with an appetite for asphalt only matched by its unrepentantly harsh ride and acoustics."

Oh, I'm a hater alright, and let me translate that passage for you. "Clinical and unloving quality" can read "robot like predictability because there are 100 electronic nannies to keep you from having to actually drive the damn thing." As far as "unrepentantly harsh ride and acoustics" we can just refer back to the fact the GT-R, up until this point, had an interior made primarily of recycled Legos with enough creaks, pops, road noise and rattles to make one wonder why they paid six figures for it. Oh right, Nurburgring lap times. Good time to mention that track is in Germany... Are you all taking your GT-Rs to Germany?

But just how easy is it to make this car go fast? Surely these expert drivers took this car through its paces. Well read a little lower and you hit this gem:

"First off, launch control is easy to engage (switch traction and gearbox to R, press both pedals, and release the brake), and my hard launches proved repeatable and addictive — I counted six before the open road beckoned."

That's what I thought! This is why people buy the car, to activate launch control and go "Wheeeeeeee!" a few times and impress friends. No more clutch drop and throttle modulation, careful rolling burnouts or traction control, just press both pedals, release one.

Okay, but maybe it's not all bad, they improved a few things, got rid of that shabby interior, tweaked some tech, why not get one and just enjoy those launches like a personal rollercoaster.

"The zero to 60 mph sprint remains unchanged at 2.7 seconds, but commensurate with the tech improvements is a price hike, from $103,365 to $109,990."

Yes, this ride costs $110,000 now. It's a video game that costs as much as a small condo, and requires no skill to drive. I'll pass... figuratively of course, those damn cars are too quick.

See you on the road,

Alexander